Teasing and Flirting

Teasing and Flirting - so if you have a response you can respond back. I sent this out 8 years ago and I honestly am at a different point in my faith and personally don't believe either has anything to do with sinning anymore. BUT it was still really kind of cute to look at again.

Hi all,
Thank you all for responding to my conference about teasing and flirting.  I still am wondering if it is a sin to flirt or tease.
I would still love to hear your responses.
Hilary (ity) (5/13/00)
<< Hi all,
 It’s that time again.
 This past week I have been wondering what the difference between teasing and flirting is. Is there a difference? Or are they the same?
 I know teasing can hurt sometimes, but does flirting ever actually hurt?
 There are some people who don’t know any other way of flirting so they feel they have to use teasing to flirt. 
 Is it wrong to tease someone you are flirting with?
 
 

TEASING IS A DELIBERATE ATTACK (OR LACK THEREOF) UPON SOMETHING (ONE) IN
WHICH THE PRIMARY PURPOSE IS TO CRUSH THE HOPES OF ANY FURTHER ENGAGEMENT.
FLIRTING IS A SILENT COMMUNICATION BETWEEN 2 INDIVIDUALS IN WHICH THE
PRIMARY PURPOSE IS TO GAIN FURTHER INTEREST.
YES FLIRTING CAN BE BAD, BECUZ IT CONVEYS A MESSAGE OF INTEREST THAT MIGHT
NOT OTHERWISE BE MEANT TO CONVEY I.E. YOUR FLIRTING BUT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
LIKE THE PERSON IN THAT WAY. IN THIS CASE; THE FLIRTEE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE
THOSE FEELINGS AND GET THE WRONG MESSAGE ONLY TO BE SHOT DOWN BY
HUMILIATION AFTER ATTEMPTING TO ACT UPON THOSE MIXED SIGNALS.
AND OF COURSE TEASING IS ALWAYS CRUEL AND DEMEANING.
-SUZ
**********************************************************************  

Hey Hilary-
    I think only you know the difference between teasing and flirting; only you know if you like that person. Am I making any sense here? OK...you might tease someone because you like them. That person may not take it as flirting but as teasing. This is not a good thing. So maybe teasing isn't a very efficient way of flirting. Talk to you later. ~Amy~

<< I have been wondering what the difference between teasing and flirting is? Is there a difference? >>
There is.  My friend was a big tease, meaning she would flirt with the boys and get them all "riled up" and then just walk away.  Teasing is not cool.  It’s kind of like leading the other person on.  Only few people can ever really master flirting.  But teasing the guy is not flirting, but that is just my opinion. Later. ~Gladys

Some say flirting is the natural part of every human relationship--be it male or female.  Christians have had a hard rime with sexuality since the middle ages.  They struggled with the "flesh" vs. the "spirit" when in fact; the two are inseparable until our death.  Perhaps motive is the key.  We do flirt whether we like it or not.  Sometimes people question that, but most people are attracted to the beautiful people, or powerful, or even those who are popular. 
Perhaps flirting is one of those things we need to accept, and then learn to control--rather than deny.
As far as teasing goes, I have read that teasing is actually a mild form of abuse.  Small or large, it must be taken seriously because the recipient might not fancy your humor.  I try to avoid teasing.  It is not a healthy place to remain.  I think that teasing without all the hormones attached becomes abuse.  Maybe that is why teasing never lasts in a relationship.  Honesty is better.
Mitch

Hilary,
 I believe that flirting and teasing are the same thing.  It depends on the person; some take it as flirting and some teasing.  I believe that flirting or teasing shouldn't be done.  In the end someone it just ends up getting hurt.  ~Kimberly

Is there such a thing as a selfless good deed or are they all Selfish good deeds in the end?

As you see this originally a question I was pondering when I first saw the show on Friends. 8 years ago. I decided to pull it up again because I was hearing about Oprah's new game show or reality show she is going to air. It has to do with individuals that are going to be handed money to go and do something with it and they are going to be rated for what they do with it and given a prize of more money for themselves if they win.

There are a selection of answers that were given to me.

Good Deeds

Is there such thing as a real Good Deed?  Are all Good Deeds selfish? 

I guess what I am trying to figure out is if when you do a good deed it makes you feel good about yourself, right?  It makes you feel good about the good thing that you do for someone else.  You do a good deed, most of the time, for something; whether it is a simple thank you or a reward of something.  Would you do that good deed for nothing or knowing you would not be thanked?  Would you do that good deed just to be nice, just to be a good Christian? 

I heard this topic ‘selfish good deeds,’ on the television show of “Friends.”  Really think about it though.

It sounds as if what they were saying was true, “All good deeds ARE selfish.”  When you do something nice for someone else, there doesn’t seem to be a way to make it a natural good deed.

  Altruistic:  unselfish concern for the welfare of others.  

Hi Hilary,

An example I can think of personally that would show an unselfish good deed

is to do the following:  Do something nice for someone anonymously and leave

a note with them telling them what you appreciate about them and that

they've just received a "random act of kindness".  Us girls at work do this

periodically and I still haven't found out who has given me nice little

things, but it doesn't matter - I've done the same thing for other people

and have never told them.  I received a small plant one time and seeds for

my garden another time. 

Just an idea for you...

I think that good deeds are not selfish if you are not doing them to be thanked or anything. If you are doing them to please God and serve him like He wants us to. Yeah, you feel good after doing them, but I don't think that is bad. I took the liberty of looking up some Bible passages that might help you: John 13:1-17, and Matthew 25: 31-46.  I hope this helps you!

I think the ultimate goal of a Christian ought to be to love, selflessly,

without expecting anything in return.  If we could figure that out, we'd

be doing a pretty good job of reflecting the love of Christ to others.

Do most of us get there?  Sadly, I would say no.

Laura

This sounds like an ethics question I've had in previous

philosophy classes. There are people who think that the INTENTION of the

good deed is what matters, and there are people that think that it is the

DEED that matters. The latter referring to consequentialism or

utilitarianism. The INTENTION being more of a deontological approach or

better known as Kantian ethics. I.E. On one side you have does the outcome

of the action or deed deem importance and on the other you have does the

"genuine intention" or "means' deem importance. Here's a good

example; A person sees a small child drowning in a pond off the side of the

road while driving. FOR a UTILITARIAN approach, a moral action would be

that which created the most happiness for the greatest number of

people. I.E. you save the child regardless. Kant (a famous philosopher) or

Deontological ethics says, if your intention of saving the child were for

publicity or gratitude, it would be immoral even if the child lived. If,

however, your intentions were truly to preserve life, than your action

would be moral even if the child died.

            In answer to your question of whether or not good deeds are

truly good deeds... it really depends on the type of person you

are. What sort of ethics do you believe in? Etc..... One person may think

they are going to hell because they committed one of the seven deadly sins

(gluttony), the other may think they are only creating more happiness in

the world by making themselves happy.

Sorta confusing, but after a few semesters of ethics and/or

philosophy.... you'll get the jist.

I think that if you do a good deed for someone or a specific group, or whatever good deed you do, it’s to make yourself feel good, or better than others.  But joining a campaign against something is different; like a campaign against littering or cutting down rainforests or tobacco.  Something like that is part of a whole and not just yourself so that couldn't be selfish.  You get what I’m saying.

Like you know if you notice like the Cornado Theater remember when it was being remodeled, like right at the beginning?  Well they were sending out flyers with envelopes so that you could send them a donation of the amount you desired to send.  And if you sent like 2 grand they would name a row after you.  Ok, if you’re getting a row named after little ol' you it gives you motivation.  You know.  But I didn't send money.  So whatever.  I’m rambling so, talk to you later.

I believe good deeds are selfish because most people do it for there own benefit.  I believe a good deed is one where there is no need to think about it they just do it.

Hey Hil,

Good deeds are sometimes done selfishly, sometimes not.  Most would probably agree that people do things for others and leave strings attached--in other words they will only do something if they get something in return.

Christ's example of dying on the cross was truly a selfless act.  Only done for our behalf, not to further His agenda or to get something in return.  Perhaps even good Christians do things hoping to get more blessings or rewards in heaven, but doing it for any other reason than to serve God is not a lasting reward.  I think that area God teaches us for the rest of our lives.  I have done 18 workcamps, but I still feel like I am learning something about myself, Christ, and serving others.  Some years I learn more than others.  We become better Christians by serving others as if they were Christ.  With that attitude, we will be better servants of Christ.

I want to do what Christ wants, not just to be liked by others--or to advance myself up some ladder of success.  Motive is the key--and only the person doing the act will know their heart--or God.

Hilary,

I try to do something for someone else every day whether it be big or small, for a

friend, a relative or a stranger.  You never know what kind of day

someone else is having and one little nice thing may just make it better

for them.  I guess I just think the world would be a better place if we

all lived by the Golden Rule.

Hi Hilary-

Thought I'd send you a thought or two about your good deed question.  I

think "Good deeds" given out of love are a way that we are God's hands

and feet.  We spread God's love by doing something for others.  If we feel

good about it, it is not selfish, but rather part of the blessing of God's

plan for us to love each other.  If you give with an attitude that you are

doing so in order to get something in return, then perhaps you miss the

point and that is where the selfish reasons for doing something for others

come in.  In my experiences with you Hilary, I see you often giving from

your heart and from God's love.  That is not selfish at all.  That is part

of the gift God has given you for caring and giving to others.  That is a

gift to be celebrated, not to feel selfish about. I think God intends for

these Good Deeds to feel good because His presence is tangible in those

circumstances. 

God knows we will be blessed when we give.  That is a way to fill us back

up so we can give some more. 

It's all about where your focus is I suppose.  Focus on how God instructs

us to give and to love and you will be in the right place.

God bless,

Hilary:

Your question, “Is there such a thing as a real Good Deed?” I want to answer that question as best I can.  I, first, looked up the word, “deed”, in the dictionary.  It said “A thing done.” Then, also the word “good” and found Moral and “kind.” Thus, “is there such a thing as a real ‘Moral’ and ‘kind’ thing done?” my thoughts are in doing things out of Love of God and others is not a selfish act.”

Hilarity,

As Christians, we do all things for the glory of God.  Do people do good

deeds to glorify themselves, yes.  Is it wrong, yes.  Attitudes like this can

cause pride, and other bad things.  I hope that I do deeds out of genuine

love.  I was actually thinking about this yesterday.  I helped Mr. Betz

paint his whole house and I wanted so badly for it to be without any thought

of myself and I think I did.  I gave God the glory!  And I did because I

love the Betz's.  See ya.

Hey Hilary,

About your 'good deeds' paper: I think that good deeds

are a combination of both selfish and selflessness. I

think it depends on the circumstances...if you're in a

position where you may get some kind of reward for

your actions, your good deeds will obviously have

ulterior motives. However, if you just feel led to do

something kind, then your good deeds are completely

selfless. To me, good deeds should be genuine and from

the heart. If you see something kind and do it without

thinking of the possibly rewards, then that's a good

deed. It doesn't even have to be something big, just

so that you really meant it. I also think that our

society is really geared towards getting what YOU

want. It doesn't really commend those who just do kind

things for no reason. It's almost like we're raised

to expect rewards for what we do...

Well, that's what I think, hope it helps.

Talk to you later

Love ya,

Where have I come in the past year?

References

Maxwell, John C.(1998). The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. Maxwell Motivation, Inc.

Maxwell, John C. (2003). Ethics 101. Center Street Warner Books

Stott, John (1994). Issues Facing Christians Today. Zondervan

Caroselli, Marlene (2000). Leadership Skills for Managers. The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Because I missed my Xanga friends...

1. What's your 2008 calendar?
downstairs -Monkey and Me
upstairs - Grey's Anatomy

2. Do you own a Scene It game?
Friends and the TV one

3. If you had the decision of washing the dishes or shoveling the driveway which one would you choose?
driveway

4. What's your favorite Captain Crunch cereal?
Crunch Berries

5. What's your chapstick of choice?
beeswax one

6. What's your video game system of choice?
WII

7. For question 6, What's your favorite game?
currently Link's Crossbow Training

8. Superbowl 2008 plans?
Youth group Superbowl party and tailgate party at Scott Arthur's!!! (message me for questions)

9. Was it right that they showed a major episode of Amazing Race and the Packer vs. Giants playoff game on the same night?
yes because I don't watch the Amazing Race

10. What is your favorite highschool drama show of all time?
Beverly Hills 90210, what started it all

11. Do you have an alterntive down comforter on your bed or a real goose feather down comforter or something else entirely?
White alternative down comforter

12. Did you ever swing from a swingset and jump into a pile of leaves as a kid or last fall?
Yes

13. Downhill Skiing or Snowboarding?
Downhill Skiing

14. Verizon, US Cellular, Sprint, All Tell, Att? (Have it, like it?)
Verizon like it, waiting for the Verizon LG Voyager to significantly drop in price.

15. When do you do your Taxes: January, Feb., Mar, April 14th? (sooner the better or whenever you have the time?)
March

16. What do you do with all of your VHS movies?
currently sitting on a shelf and occassionaly I still watch a few

17. Do you have a Teddy bear on your bed?
Yes

18. Would you work at the same job for 10 years for experience or work at 8 jobs in 10 years for a variety of different business experiences?
same job for 10 years

19. What's the first thing you read in the Newspaper when you pick it up ever?
front page article

20. Favorite childhood story book?
There's a Monster at the end of this book (sesame street)
The Poky Little Puppy

21. What kind of computer do you have?
HP Pavillion

22. What's your favorite board game or electronic game to play with a group?
Catch Phrase

23. Cable goes out and your favorite channel is still shockingly working, what channel is that?
Soap Net where I can watch the OC, 90210, and one tree hill

24. Pleasure reading anything at all these days? (or bathroom reading)
Undressed by Jason Illion, Communicating book that was $5 at Barnes and Noble, Winning by Jack Welch (short business related solutions for working with people)

25. Do you have a piggy bank?
monkey bank that I forget about but has a lot of coins in it

26. Would you rather apply to be on Super Nanny as as guest host or be the family?
I would want to be the guest hose on super nanny

27. Would it be weird if your mom applied for Wife Swap and a new and totally opposite mom came to your home for 2 weeks?
yah

28. A million ants crawling all around your personal space, not necessarily on you, but maybe one or two, OR lady bugs flying around and sticking to you?
I guess lady bugs

29. Vitamin Water or Energy drinks like Monster, Full throttle, etc?
Monsters

30. Do you buy more off of Ebay or Amazon?
about a toss up, I havent bought anything from either for  a while, but have a wish list on amazon so that's probably what I will buy from next.

31. How many state quarters do you have in your possession?
Stopped counting. I gave my mom a state quarter book to collect them.

32. Vista or Xp or do you have a Mac?
XP

33. What's the longest you have ever left a load of wash in the dryer, dried?
2 days

34. Lost, should they rename the show for Season 4 "Found"?
hum definite possibilities

35. In a world turning to MP3's, what do you do with all of your CDs?
I'm still listening to a small playlist of CD albums in my car.

36. Do you still purchase CDs?
when I want more than 4 songs on the album

37. Your house is burning down what is "your" first priority?
grab shoes and a hoodie for warmth, then a camera because I probably unfortunately wouldnt be able to grab my photo library on Discs.

38. Do you ever read or eat in the bathroom?
yes on the reading, very seldomly do I eat in the bathroom

39. Do you ever comb your hair when you are washing your hair?
yes

40. Have you ever tae bowed? when?
yes I did a class at Don Carter's bowling alley and have a movie but it was 5 years ago.

An Online World- Is it safe for our youth?

23/25 points WOOHOO! Read On!

An Online World- Is it safe for our youth?

            “With great power comes great responsibility.” Peter Barker’s uncle says this in Spiderman, but the words have a lot of meaning to a teenager that is experiencing a cyber world out there for the first time. There’s so much that teenagers post online and are under the understanding that it is only being read by their real friends and not being misinterpreted or viewed by hackers, stalkers, or predators alike. Unfortunately we do not live in Disney World or on a 30 minute situational sitcom. I came across various youth from ages 13 to 17 that people would consider them to come out of some well brought up Christian homes and the whole 2 parents, 2.3 sibling family and they post pictures and comments on one of the biggest blogs out there, www.Myspace.com, and wait for friends to leave comments that are promiscuous and full of slang. I am not encouraged by this behavior, but these youth for the most part do understand to keep their profiles private, but on the other hand have accepted more than 200 friends to freely look at comments, pictures, and videos.

            Myspace.com was originated for musicians and bands to advertise or market to customers and became a place for high school students and the 20 something crowd to hang out online with their friends and socialize online. One would say that seems pretty harmless, and it is most of the time because it all depends on how it is used, how the responsibility is used. Myspace.com is free to set up and is legal for 14 years of age and up. Users that misinterpret their age and are minors can have their account shut down from Myspace.com customer service, but there are loopholes that let these minors right back on Myspace.com; including that they can go right back on and log on under a new user name with a new age and they can change their email address. Unfortunately it is just as easy for predators, hackers, and stalkers alike to do just the same by logging back on under a new alias.

            Myspace.com, in particular, is what I would like to reflect on with this paper. I would also like to note that I am not against Myspace.com at all. I think it is a great social network when it is handled correctly. Myspace.com profiles can not include the user’s phone numbers, addresses, last names, pornography, obscene, lewd, excessively violent, harassing, or sexually explicit photos. Once again loopholes are really easy for our youth to add too much information and Myspace.com will not find out until someone tells customer service about the illegal information posted on various profiles and with the millions of users that have accounts it is just an overwhelming responsive action to try to find all those users posting illegal information and pictures.

            “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NASB) It seems pretty simple to think that parents should monitor all that goes on within their children’s lives online and in the physical sense. Although some parents are oblivious to online social networks such as Myspace.com or even afraid of what they risk in trying to figure out a social network online. But parents need to dive in and get involved in their teens lives. Jason Illion wrote Myspace.com, Mykids to tutor and share with parents and children how they can communicate with this online world and monitor it safely. Illion says, “People naturally fear what they do not understand.” (Illion, page 10) Parents tend to be under the assumption that Myspace.com is bad. It is no worse than the internet, email, cell phones, and even driving recklessly on the roads, but we are not going to take our teen’s licenses away or take their phones away. Although we can teach our teen how to drive more carefully and explain that there are costs with insurance and tickets and too much text messaging on cell phones costs money. Parents need to be able to talk to their youth about presenting themselves with pictures online and monitor what they post periodically. With the understanding of what is right for pictures on Myspace.com youth should understand that there are predators, hackers, and stalkers alike trying to get a peek at what they look like and could go as far as to try to meet them and abuse them in their everyday lives.

            Parents can understand Myspace.com easier with this plan of action that was discussed in Myspace, Mykids by Jason Illion. Perspective, we are a gift from God, we are on loan from God and we all have the opportunity to raise and nurture. “We are called to follow Scripture, listen to God’s leading in our lives and do everything in our power to protect, comfort, and lead our kids, but ultimately, only God can make them grow.” (Illion, page 12) Parents can effectively relate to their children if they are actively involved in all aspects of their lives from school to the mall to Myspace.com. Priorities are the second step of the plan of action. “Scripture calls us to love, discipline, teach, guide, protect, nurture, and develop our children.” (Illion, page 12) Plan is the third and final step of the action plan for parents. Our education and discussion would be worthless if we didn’t formulate a plan for implementing our newfound knowledge.

            I said that I am not against Myspace.com at all in anyway. I am just concerned on how teens and "tweens" are presenting themselves online. Myspace.com does not create problems but actually reveals them among our teens. Teen Myspace.com users will often reveal to their online buddies that they are struggling with anything from sexual preferences, drinking and drug use, religion, depression, loneliness, and self image problems. Instead of using our perceptions to assume what our youth are struggling through, we have the opportunity with Myspace.com to understand our youth and children more easily. Problems we are facing with our teens are that many of them don’t have a firm spirituality and moral foundation to follow. Your average youth can tell you things from the online world that would surprise and shock you from ten different ways to have sex and have a wide range of digital technologies to connect with their social group of peers, but they can not tell you why God designed sex for marriage or the dangers of the internet. They are very trusting and feel they are at a constant invincible stage of their lives. I went to www.familywatchdog.us where you can find out how many sexual offenders are in your own community and as close to right next door to you, I found 350 offenders right within 20 miles from my neighborhood. These teens as young as 13 and 14 have pictures showing too much skin, use language that you would never have heard on the Cosby show and are not afraid to advertise their middle schools and high schools in bulletin posts and comments with their friends. They live in a world with no fear and have no idea how tempted the convicted sexual offenders could still be and how close they live to their houses.

            On a positive side, there are youth that have turned their Myspace.com accounts into devotional and small group studies to converse about God and Christianity. Acts 242 is a community of trust and servant hood dedicated to facilitating relationships with Christ, or Disciples of God (D.O.G.) Pound ministry, a teen-oriented site that leaves encouraging Scripture on kid’s personal pages. Jason Illion, a youth speaker, has set up a Myspace.com account and reaches hundreds of teens and 20 something adults daily with words of encouragement on presenting themselves with their friends and online community, being ok with purity, to encouraging purity till marriage and just being their to answer questions for these youth nation wide. Stationing computers in public rooms in their home environments where various family members walk by periodically will help monitor youths behavior online and keep them safe. A mother, from my church, talked about how her teenage daughter was instant messaging a friend from school that was talking about killing herself. The mother was just in the same room reading a book and could tell from the tension in how the daughter was typing forcefully on the keyboard that something was not right, the daughter was upset and started crying. The daughter was able to have her mother help her communicate with this friend and make her feel better about her self image and change her attitude about herself. Parents are able to step in and communicate with their children.

            There are stories of 14 year old girls that start by simply accepting a buddy, a predator, to view their online space. They start chatting, then it moves to maybe the 19 year old wanting to meet her, pick her up from school, go to the movies, and then one night she is sexually assaulted. Then Myspace.com is being sued for $30 million because the mother is certain that this could have been prevented by blaming the source point, Myspace.com, because they should have been able to stop the communication between the young girl and the boy. Whose fault is this again? To me it all sounds like the children’s game between siblings, “the blame game”. Free will is what we were given from the Lord. We were given free will and it can be used anywhere in our lives, but we have to use it with good judgment. Anyone that knows right from wrong and most of us knew right from wrong when we were 5 should know who we can talk to and how much information we can share with our online buddies. In 1^st Samuel 3:13, Eli was considered a successful priest, but his parenting left much to be desired. He didn’t punish and teach his sons right from wrong for their wrong behavior, God said, he would judge Eli’s family forever for this sin he knew about. Parents need to handle these situations swiftly and aggressively before they emerge and grow larger. Parents need to prevent problems before they can even start.

            Parents need to view their child’s Myspace.com accounts and click on their buddies comments, and their top 8 friends and see who their friends are and how they are presenting themselves. They need to view their kid’s friends’ pages because peer pressure is how it starts, peers encourage your child to change their pictures, because of popularity. Jason Illion recommends parents signing up and onto myspace.com. He explains in his book step by step how to set a profile up, what each link means, and how to connect with their child. A majority of all youth will feel awkward for their parents to step into their lives within the online community. In order for parents to do this effectively and with reason, they should remember the words in James 1:19-20, “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” Patience is a complete faith builder in a parents understanding of their child.

            Cyberbullying is new on Myspace.com and in the online community. Just like average high school classmates we have all gone to school with that have teased and made fun of us, teens face so called online buddies making rude comments to them online, making fun of them in crude humor, talking in slang that can still be misinterpreted, etc. Words can hurt no matter how they are said. Unfortunately we have no way to understand if those words are truth or fiction or with sarcasm or seriousness. There is an excellent video clip that Myspace.com is advertising as a public service announcement defining Cyberbullying. It announces at the end of the video clip, If you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it on myspace.com.  http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=8019404

            In Jason Illion’s book he explains that kids are more likely to get in trouble if they possess three things: 1. idle hands when they have too much free time and too little to do. I am seeing a lot of this during the summer months. 2. an unexercised mind, when they have not discussed sensitive issues with their parents- they are more likely to be tempted. 3. an uncommitted heart, when they don’t believe in Christ or possess a strong set of family values- they are more likely to dabble into whatever is presented to them. There is a 9^th grade teacher that asked her students to be a part of “National TV-Turnoff Week” for a week. They were asked to turn off their TVs, Internet, computers, and other electronic gaming gear for one week. The goal was to disengage from these electronics that are controlling our lives and reengage with our families and friends and bring a sense of peacefulness to their lives. Surprisingly most students are honest, disciplined, and surprisingly positive about this special experience. These students find out just how dependent each of them and their families were to the TV and realize the things they can do together without the electronic devices.

            According to the Pew Internet and American Life’s “Teens and Technology” study, middle school is the start of an online community. By sixth grade 60% of students are internet savvy and by seventh grade it jumps to 82%. By middle school is when these students have crossed over to the social network of Myspace.com. (Kelsey, page 3) As I noted earlier in Myspace.com s terms and safety tips it states that users have to be over 14 years old. Most seventh graders are not 14 yet. It concerns me that too many students are getting addicted to this social network too early in their teen years. What is going to happen in just 5 more years? It is going to be more common for ten year olds to be crossing the online social network of Myspace.com.

            Myspace.com becomes an addiction to many teens and young people. It is not uncommon for many myspace.com users to want to check their messages and comments at various times of the day and let their school work take a back seat to their priorities. One 16 year old spends close to 4 hours per night messaging his 149 myspace.com friends. (Kelsey, page 4) According to comScore Media Metrix , teens or minors, spent on average 1233 minutes online during February 2006, up to 19%. (Kelsey, page 5) 64% of online teens say that most teens do things online that they wouldn’t want their parents to know about. 1/3 of 13-17 year olds say that their parents don’t know what they do online. In that last few years teenagers are most likely to use the internet for myspace.com rather than for any other information or gaming.

            In conclusion with the right modeling and understanding the internet and Myspace.com can be used as a great social network to relate to friends and meet new people. There are limits that all teens need to understand and youth leaders can help monitor any teens online spaces, but it’s not the youth leaders responsibility just like it is not Myspace.com customer services responsibility to monitor every teen and “tweens” myspace.com account. Our myspace.com accounts are our responsibility and we need to accept the power they bring. Parents need to be around in all aspects of their child’s lives, just like they take them to a soccer game, the mall, and set a curfew they need to set limits and set curfews and limits with online and internet safety. Predators, hackers, and stalkers unfortunately are not going to go away because we do not live in a perfect world. Just like the fall of man arrived in Genesis 3, we will always be tempted with good and evil in all areas of our lives. It is up to us use that responsibility and power in the online communities for good and for encouraging life instances for our friends and peers. The internet can not be covered up with a bandage and myspace.com is not going to be able to be blocked from all teens, and with no reason should it really be, but the understanding of how to use it safely and within reason by the maturity and good parenting of all of our teens parents will help monitor our youths sites on a normal basis.

            “People try to tell us who we are supposed to be, but it is up to us to accept it.” This was from a sitcom, Kyle XY on ABC Family. The social networks of our teens friends can bully us or encourage us, but we are the only ones that can believe or accept it and fortunately we are the ones that can adjust our profiles online to who we are supposed to be, pleasing to God, pleasing to our parents, pleasing to our neighbors in our community. Our actions reflect who we are in God and in our families.

References

Candice M. Kelsey, Generation Myspace (Marlowe& Company, 2007)

Jason Illion, Myspace Mykids (Harvest House Publishers, 2007)

New American Standard Bible (The Lockman Foundation, 1995)

Myspace.com